“Make His will your will, so that He’ll make your will His will”
Rabban Gamliel, Pirkei Avot 2: 4
In the year 1601 a little over 400 years ago in Eastern Europe, a 56-year-old man had fallen gravely ill and in order to confuse the Angel of Death, he added another name, Shlomo, to his birth name, Ephraim. Rabbi Shlomo Ephraim told G-d that, if given the time, he would write a book of Torah commentary (according to the Introduction to the Kli Yakar). He ended up living another 18 years and keeping his end of the bargain. That book he wrote was the Kli Yakar, and it remains one of the seminal commentaries on the Torah to this day.
Rabbi Shlomo Ephraim bargained with G-d as if his life depended on it – and came out a winner. But was his methodology appropriate? Can just anyone use similar tactics? Let’s look into the sources and see how this plays out.
Can Good Deeds be Used as Bargaining Chips?
In the Kli Yakar, Rabbi Shlomo Ephraim discusses three types of negotiation tactics that can be used with G-d (Kli Yakar, VeEtchanan, Dvarim 3, 23). One is just wrong. One is totally fine. And one is controversial. This comes up during the V’Etchanan Torah portion when Moses begs God to be granted entrance to the Land of Israel. We’ll see which negotiation tactic he used in a minute.
First, here are the 3 tactics being discussed:
- Asking for something based on one’s past deeds – This is not an appropriate thing to do since no one can ever make God owe them anything. Each day of life is a gift, so there isn’t any room to use one’s past good deeds as collateral to ask for something for the future. The righteous King Hezkiya did this once but was criticized for it by the rabbis (Brachot 10b).
- Asking for something based on one’s future deeds – If someone were to say that they will write a book of Torah commentary if God grants them more time to live, for example, that might fit into this category. Doing this may be acceptable for certain people, in certain cases. However, it comes with risks and, according to Rashi (the most famous commentator on the Torah), is not something that righteous people do because they would be too concerned that they may fail to uphold their side of the bargain. It seems that, although this is how Rabbi Shlomo Ephraim explained Rashi’s approach, he may have disagreed with it himself. Or else, he probably wouldn’t have offered to write a book in case he lived.
- Asking for a free handout – When Moses prayed to be granted entrance to the Land of Israel, he asked for it as a gift. And although he could have asked to enter Israel in order to be able to do many mitzvahs that can only possibly be done in the land of Israel, he didn’t. According to Rashi, this is the way righteous people make requests of God. No bargaining chips, no self-aggrandizement, no promises – just please and thank You.
Bottom line: no matter what, it’s not appropriate to ask for things from God from a place of entitlement. It might be okay for some people to offer to do something good, in the future, if their request is granted (you scratch my back..). But that kind of thing should probably be done with caution. And, last but not least, anyone can make requests of God without any claim of entitlement.
Drawing a Line in the Sand – Choni HaMe’agel
In ancient times, about 1900 years ago, a terrible famine struck the Land of Israel (Talmud, Taanit 19a). People were fasting and praying and looking for help. Eventually, they asked a known sage, Choni HaMe’agel, to intervene. He agreed and proceeded to draw a circle around himself, saying to God that if He doesn’t act mercifully, Choni’s not leaving the circle.
A few drops of rain began falling, but that wouldn’t do. Choni was not satisfied and he stayed in the circle. “That’s not what I meant,” he said, “I prayed for the kind of rain that will fill the wells, moats, and reservoirs!”
Then a torrential downpour began, causing a destructive flood. Choni stayed in his circle saying, “I didn’t ask for this type of rain! I asked for rains of goodwill, blessing, and benevolence.”
At which point, a pleasant rain of blessing fell and the wells filled up again.
Was this an appropriate way for Choni HaMe’agel to address God, The Holy One Blessed Be He? On one hand, he got away with it, on the other hand…
Rabbi Shimon ben Shetach later said of Choni HaMe’agel: “Had anyone else done what you did, I would have excommunicated them, Choni! But what can I do with you, who insulted the Almighty making Him do what you want? You are like a son who insults his father but gets him to do what he wants.”
So, bottom line, this is probably not an appropriate way to negotiate with God, for most people at least. But desperate times call for desperate measures and Choni HaMe’agel was, apparently, a very unique person.
If you ever decide to try this tantrum style of negotiation with God, let me know how it goes for you.
Win-Win: Collaborate for Mutually Beneficial Outcomes
Here’s a time-proven strategy for negotiating with God: “Make His will your will, so that He’ll make your will His will” (Rabban Gamliel, the son of Rebbi Yehuda HaNasi, Pirkei Avot 2: 4). This is an extremely deep way of living one’s life. I’ve tried it and have only been able to truly do it for a few moments at a time, but those moments were some of the best moments of my life. Not because anything special happened outside of me, although some things did, but because I was experiencing a better version of myself.
When applied to negotiation, the advice to “Make His will your will, so that He’ll make your will His will,” would mean that before asking for anything, or assuming entitlement for anything, one could ask themself, what is God’s will? And only once they’ve considered God’s desires — and have begun to build a connection with them and with Him — would they consider their own personal desires.
Rabbi Shlomo Ephraim, mentioned above, probably reflected on this himself and came to the conclusion that God would want him to write the book that he would end up writing, which is why he came to the seemingly unorthodox conclusion to bargain with God to be given more years of life to write the book.
Every pro negotiator emphasizes the importance of understanding the needs, wants, and priorities of the one you are negotiating with. Why should it be any different when approaching God?
Being Real
Rebbi Nachman teaches that one should speak to God as they would a best friend. Just speak and be real. Tell your secrets. Say what you want and why you want it, even if you don’t happen to be begging for it at the moment. You’re just talking and being honest. There is room for developing this type of relationship with God, Our Father in Heaven. It’s a healthy way to relate to Him.
Our Greatest Bargaining Chip – רחמנא ליבא בעי
God is our Father and he wants a relationship with us. Giving that to him, giving him our hearts (along with our gratitude), is the greatest thing we have to offer Him. According to our oral tradition, “God desires the heart” (Talmud, Sanhedrin 106b) and that’s a bargaining chip that can be offered for free. He gives us good for free, not in reciprocation for something we did, but just because and we can give us the most precious thing we can ever offer, our hearts.